Why I'm A Feminist

It seems more than a little odd that in the year 2013 there are people who still don’t know what feminism actually is. In this, an epoch in which anyone can bring up google on their television, phone or even tea tray and type in “define: feminism”

Try it, it’s 2013, browsers have multiple tabs now.

See, that was quick. It’s not a complicated concept at all, so one doesn’t necessarily have to be a conspiracy theorist to opine where continued ignorance on this particular topic might fall on the sticky end of the old incompetence–malice scale. Various groups have at times co-opted and/or vilified the concept with their own ideologies in mind. Some would argue that perhaps modern feminists should accept that if the word has become loaded with meanings they do not actually espouse they should probably pick a new one.

Fuck that.

The word means what the word means, and as uncomplicated concepts go, the word isn’t the problem. Anyone who disagrees with the advocacy of equality is most certainly part of the problem. Anyone who picks at “for women” either fails to see that women are unfairly discriminated against (be that relative salaries, representations in positions of authority, having your all too human foibles savaged in the Daily Mail, etc.) – or perceives the prospect of female elevation as a threat (Ibid. Especially the fucking Daily Mail.)

These people do exist. One of the many wonders of the internet is that it has facilitated many disenfranchised individuals in finding the particular echo chamber that validates their own perceptions. Thus, the Men’s Rights Activist was spawned, a group of – well, men – who believe feminism has gone too far.

Too equal, a terrifying thought.

The irony here is that the people who – and I’m really being generous by accrediting this lot with the noun “people” – blather on about the rights of men aren’t men at all. A preoccupation with “rights” is not an adult pursuit, but I digress.

There is perhaps a significant – in volume, certainly – group of males who have been indoctrinated into a culture in which the sexual conquest of females is the sole metric by which any level of success can be validated. Though they may identify as heterosexual  – anything otherwise would be the act of a pariah – these men have no  interest in women at all, certainly none of the social aspects of a relationship. To them women are mere sex objects. Presumably all they think about during sex is what they are going to talk about next time they are in the pub, although I suspect “during” is generous.

An increasingly vocal subset of this group are those who both subscribe to this particular viewpoint yet lack any of the societal niceties that are required to interact with human beings at all. It is this particular strata of pondscum that we can thank for inventing the term “friend zone”.

Here, men who are socially maladjusted to the point of barely seeing women as anything other than sexual vending machines, bitterly complain that they have invested a great deal of time “being friends” with a girl and yet she still doesn’t want to have sex with them, possibly with a side order of whining about terrible boyfriends he’d be so much better than.

There are so many things wrong with this that it could take days to analyse, so I’ll go with bullet points.

•          There is no “right” to sex. Sex is a responsibility.
•          Relationships aren’t the next “level” of friendships. People can actually have lots of combinations of both!
•         I can’t imagine why a girl wouldn’t want to jump into bed with a creepy entitled guy who hangs around and clearly isn’t enjoying the current level of social interaction as he only sees it as a chore he has to endure before getting the “action” he is “due”.

The really worrying facet of this mindset is the one that fails to comprehend the issue of consent. It’s not like it’s complicated – “no means no” has been widely advocated but given recent cases perhaps even this isn’t simple enough for some people. Gents, here’s a helpful hint: a lady is consenting to sex when and only when she’s saying “Yes!” loudly and clearly to the question “Would you like to have sex?”

I’ve seen people suggest that maybe asking that question is uncomfortable and perhaps embarrassing. If so, it means you yourself aren’t ready for the responsibility of being a fucking grown up. I.e. A grown up who fucks.

Really, anyone who tries to argue that the issue of consent comprises anything other than this is in deeply suspicious company.

The modern feminist would like to see a world in which people of whatever gender they identify with have the freedom to act in whatever manner they desire and not have those actions judged arbitrarily based on said gender. If it’s cool for men to go out drinking, it should be cool for women. If it’s cool for men to go out looking for a one night stand, it should be cool for women. (Hint, it’s not all that cool for either gender, really.)

There are many reasons a woman might for example wear a short skirt and bright makeup, but even if she has done so to indicate sexual availability one must never fall into the trap of presupposing that she has no say or discrimination in which particular man she’s interested in. The fact that she set out hoping to meet Prince Charming or Mister Darcy or whoever it is these days doesn’t in any way preclude her wanting to avoid certain invertebrates, Christian Greys or Edward Cullens.

Using the “she was asking for it” gambit is nothing more than an indication that the advocate of this defence is also a rapist. Why? Because rapists don’t believe that anyone has the ability to discriminate between sexual partners – Oh, I’m sorry, I said partners when I meant victims – In their worlds you’re either up for it with anything that breathes or not. Sluts or nuns and nothing in between; The concept that a woman might actually have criteria that need to be met never even occurs, because the rapists and rape apologists themselves don’t have criteria that need to be met, and rapists are so underdeveloped they have no theory of mind.

I realise that I’m conflating two worlds here. Rape is not a sexual issue. It’s a power issue. Most rapes are committed by a person known to and close to the victim. Very few happen because a lady went out wearing a skirt too short and accidentally inflamed the desires of a man incapable of exercising any degree of restraint. This argument insults and demeans men as much as women. Real men should be more than eager to distance themselves from the animals masquerading as men who have no volition regarding the act of attempted procreation.

Cynical and monstrous though it is, for a rapist the exercising of power over a complete stranger will simply have much less value than the much more opportune chance to wield it over someone who may in some way trust and rely on them. This is no different to the resentment felt when the occupant of the “friend zone” feels that a girl “owes” them a deeper level of intercourse.

Don’t be that person. Yes means yes. It is not more complex than that and if you harbour thoughts that it is, you need to evaluate how much you really do respect your fellow person. Everyone, regardless of gender, is capable of deciding how to live their life, and only those, also regardless of gender, who wish to curb those freedoms without consent, are at fault.